No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
