I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
