i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
