Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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