I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
