so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
