tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Operation Purity has been aborted
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
