yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
