i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
