my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
