You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
