haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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