i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
