It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just want to make out with him forever
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
