I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
