and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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