just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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