when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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