there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
