I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
