i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
