i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im holly from the hills drunk
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
