Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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