Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
