I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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