Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
