woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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