There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
