i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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