is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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