Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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