How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
