i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
