Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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