I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
