I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
