And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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