My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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