Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
im on a boat
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