Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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