I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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