Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
