A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
