its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just want to make out with him forever
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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