I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
