i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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