Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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