Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
