I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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