16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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