This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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